(trigger warning – mention of pregnancy loss)
A story of loss, love, and the babies who brought light after the storm.
August 22 marks National Rainbow Baby Day—a day to honor the beauty of life after loss, the little ones who made it earthside, and the journeys that brought us to them. Today, I want to share ours.
Our First Loss
Our very first pregnancy was also our first loss.
I was six weeks along. I remember the pain as if it was yesterday—the worry, the sadness, the emptiness. At the same time, I had one of the biggest work summits of my career to run. I worked for Caesars Entertainment and managed our well-being program, Wellness Rewards, as well as our onsite clinic strategy. A room full of people I admired: our healthcare leadership team, wellnurses and coaches from across our properties, local clinic staff, leadership, and local HR colleagues.
The few I told met me with open arms and kind words. That three-day summit was filled with celebration, learning, collaboration—and even joy. We dined at Gordon Ramsay Steak (surf and turf, of course!) and by the end of the week, I received a surprise promotion.
The heartache was still there, but it was covered in love. I knew, deep down, that someday we would have our rainbow baby.
Two Pink Lines
Just two months later, those two pink lines appeared.
We saw our OB immediately, hearts bursting with excitement but weighed down with fear. The shadow of loss followed me into every appointment, every milestone. That fear didn’t disappear—not even when we finally held our rainbow baby in our arms.
Nine months later, our beautiful baby boy, Henry, entered the world. Our first rainbow. Everything we hoped and prayed for.
The Longing for One More
As time passed, I felt a longing—for just one more.
But this time, age wasn’t on our side. Nearing 40, we knew the odds, but we hoped, we prayed. And we endured loss. Not once. Not twice. But four heartbreaking times.
Each loss etched deeper into my soul. Each one carried its own weight, its own pain.
Souls Meant to Be
While we lost five babies along the way, in my heart I’ve always felt they weren’t truly gone.
I believe our first loss was Henry’s soul — just not his time yet. And the four that followed were Cici’s — waiting for her moment to arrive. Each one carried a heartbeat, each one was a part of our story.
It doesn’t lessen the grief of those pregnancies ending. But it gives me peace to know that those angel babies were always connected to the children who finally made it earthside. It wasn’t their time then, but it would be. And when it was, their souls came home.
Finding Hope in Science and Faith
Then we met Dr. Paul Wilkes at Desert Perinatal. A doctor who didn’t just see our file—he saw us. He was all in: every test, every intervention, every ounce of hope. The constant reminder to have Faith over Fear.
Through testing, we learned I had multiple clotting factors, including MTHFR. I began baby aspirin, progesterone, and the daily bruising ritual of Lovenox injections as soon as we saw the double pink lines. Then came the Gestational Diabetes. Daily insulin, hourly glucose readings. My belly, my arms from the Dexcom G7 bore the proof of our fight—blue, purple, tender spots that became part of my story.
But those shots, that care, and that relentless faith carried us through.
Our Rainbow Baby Girl
Nine months later, we welcomed sweet Cecilia—our rainbow baby girl who completed our family.
When we found out we were having a girl, I knew instantly what her world would look like. My favorite character growing up had been Rainbow Brite, and it felt so right that her childhood would be filled with that same magic. I dug through storage and started collecting pieces—bright colors, stars, rainbows, and joy. Her room became a little world of Rainbow Brite, a reflection of everything she was to us: light, color, and hope after so much darkness.
The gratitude was overwhelming. After so much loss, so much fear, here she was. Perfect. Whole. Loved beyond measure.
Why National Rainbow Baby Day Matters
Rainbow babies are more than just children born after loss. They are a living reminder of hope. Of light breaking through storm clouds. Of love that endures even after heartbreak.
If you’ve walked this road, you know that grief and joy can live side by side. That you never forget the babies you lost, even while you cradle the one you hold.
Today, we honor both:
- The babies we carry in our hearts 💕
- The babies who bring us rainbows 🌈
To Other Parents Waiting for Their Rainbow
If you are still waiting for your rainbow baby, I see you. Your story matters. Your grief is valid. And your hope is not in vain.
And if you’re holding your rainbow today, squeeze them tight and whisper a little thank you for the storm that brought them here.
Because rainbows don’t exist without the rain.
✨ Happy National Rainbow Baby Day to every parent who has endured loss, celebrated life, and continues to carry both love and grief together.
